The Talkin’ Headline Blues #21

Here’s the recap of yesterday’s headlines over at cnn.com. Listen to the song as you read. I’ve found that’s the best way to overload your brain into a blissful state.

Somewhere, someplace, in some part of the world the water is completely or a little bit contaminated with carcinogens that will kill you. In China the thing that will kill you is owning a computer and using it to subject others to your thoughts and whims. Being young and care-free will get you penalized and possibly fined. Being the leader of the free world will only get you criticism for whatever you say and do, be it good or bad or nothing at all. People died in some place far away or close in a fiery inferno that was probably intense and sad. A low-level public employee requests less money for his job setting up a future full of going back on his word. A big snake slithers away and probably into your backyard. It’s also a very poisonous snake and an aggressive snake. Don’t be a hero and try to capture it. It’s got a big gun. Some company somewhere decides its a good idea to invest money in a new monthly periodical that will be sold to homosexual soldiers in the US armed forces. Either that, or, someone has a gun with a magazine full of bullets and is aiming it straight at all the gay troops. Trustworthy sources of news and facts are the rebel forces battling in Libya. They report only the truth! Other people that report the truth are contained on the list of best Twitter feeds. There are a hundred and forty of those people, so take a break from your busy day and drown your head in other people’s business. An old vice presidential candidate, who’s running mate got hammered by Ronald Reagan, died. She was a woman, I hear. The mighty Oprah is set to stop airing her dirty laundry. Go ahead and get stoned in college, you never have to pay back those loans. A disc jockey in New York is shot and killed, for an unknown reason, by unknown assailants. His real name was unknown. Subversive cartoons made in Korea decide to stop production on an episode that makes light of nuclear tragedy. Now the younger generation will never know about nuclear disaster. Mariah Carey is home safe. She’s doing okay. No need to worry or press the panic button.

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