Tag Archives: talkin’ headline blues

Ivanka Suck Your Blood: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #188

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ivanka Suck Your Blood.

Headline haiku

Ivanka Suck Your Blood: The Talkin' Headline Blues #188
President Trump, a bathroom sink drain clogged with hair shavings and spit, daydreams of his daughter, Ivanka, a blood-thirsty vampire, during an important meeting.

Health care frozen away.
Video: Ivanka’s laptop threatens poisonous Republicans.
Trump’s love Nazi accidentally scared old CEO.

Did you know that part of the new Republican health care law includes free* mandatory bloodletting? It’s TRUE! Bloodletting for all! Let the streets run red! Feel the fresh cleanse of draining your veins and arteries. AH!!! SO RELAXING!!!!

*Mandatory bloodlettings are only free before March 21, 2017. In the event that this date has past, you must pay a blood fine of $1,000.00 per cup of blood. Minimum 20 cups of blood taken.

Headlines used for this recording

Planetary Baby: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #187

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Planetary Baby.

Planetary Baby: The Talkin' Headline Blues #187
A planetary baby shows off his flag pin. He put it on himself!

Challengers in Trump Court probe huge, clever children with nomination.
Fine airplanes!
Planetary baby kills enemy.

Ban Backlash: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #186

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ban Backlash.

Ban Backlash: The Talkin' Headline Blues #186
President Trump, whose favorite meal is cold spaghetti and tampons from the trash, attempts to ban backlash with Scotch tape.

Ban backlash has Supreme Court  blast health probe at turban mosques.
Why Chicago Mexican shuns Twitter Trump.

Ah yes, can you feel the goodness of it? Do you find its warm embrace to be soothing and relaxing? Does it lull you to sleep after a long day hunched over at a desk? I sure bet it does. IT FEELS GREAT!

I’m going to say it here first: Bans are the new black.

And now the headlines of the day: